This letter is a reply to Orlando who gave advice on getting around a taped up cat flap! Mr Orlando, How dare you disclose a lady’s age (not even mentioning it’s in cat years) for all to see. Regarding your advice, I took it several months ago and found another single gent next door who … Continue reading A reply from Peroni
Hi Orlando, I have a very particular problem with my owner and find it difficult to share so I hope you will be discreet. During lockdown I fell out with my previous owners (don’t ask, we just grew apart) so I decided I could play the field. Two doors down there is this single man … Continue reading Help! He won’t let me in the back door
Dear Orlando I feel the need to tell you about the animals in your life, as I think you’ll appreciate them. When I was little, we had a cat. She was called Trixie, but I was six years old at the time and unfortunately, I can’t really remember anything special about her. We then became … Continue reading The animals in your life
Dear Orlando, I’m furious and disappointed. Last month, you entertained a letter from my housemate, Narco. I’ll have you know Narco is a tetchy old grump with a very flimsy relationship with the truth and he’s been jealous of me for ages. I’ll admit I’ve had some interesting fashion choices, but what young lady hasn’t? … Continue reading An unhappy potato
Dear Orlando, My nerves are shot to hell, please help! After being born and raised in Paris, I was abruptly moved by my human to southwest Scotland. I dealt with the shock of being wrenched from my stylish apartment in the 4th arrondissement and hurled into rural life, then the horrifying discovery that all the … Continue reading Down and Out in Paris and Wigtown
This is Mycroft’s response to Orlando’s advice – read the initial post! Mycroft replies Dear Orlando, I write to thank you for your advice. I was bereft upon reading your reply, as I rather hoped you’d equip me with a brilliant plan to persuade my humans they were making a terrible mistake. Instead, I received … Continue reading Mycroft is going down under!
This week’s Online with Orlando content comes courtesy of Mandy Macdonald, and is both a Show and Tell Orlando ? Mandy Macdonald is 77 and is an Australian writer living in Aberdeen. She’s written about 250 poems which have appeared in various publications in Scotland and further afield, and a pamphlet, The Temperature of Blue, … Continue reading The Vagabond
Dear Orlando, I’m in a terrible state. Please help! I’m in my ninth decade of life – the last of my nine lives if you will – and my humans have just dropped a bombshell piece of news. We’re moving. To Australia! Apparently one of them has a spectacular job over there and we are … Continue reading Despair down under!
Dear Orlando, I’m probably going to sound like a grumpy old lady in this letter, but I’m facing a bit of a situation and need your help. I’m a seventy-nine-year-old Red Setter, and I share my home with the obligatory humans and a cat called Betsy. I rather like her, and she is a pretty … Continue reading The Scarlet Setter
January is a cold and often dreary month, but hopefully some of you have four-legged friends to snuggle up to, or force you to step outside to take in some vitamin D while you go for a walk! This month’s Tell Orlando is a painful but fond memory of a beloved dog – first lost, … Continue reading Rosie is a lurcher
Dear Orlando, I’ve been having trouble with my humans recently and I hope you can help me. I’ve been living with them for a couple of years after being adopted, but I’ve always preferred the woman-human to the man-human. She smells lovely and spends more time cuddling me than he does. I’m very fond of … Continue reading Oedipuss Complex?
Hello Orlando, I wanted to show you an excellent present I received at Christmas! The person (husband) who bought me this knows me very well so it was a typically thoughtful choice, and I thought you would appreciate it. If anyone reading this is envious enough to want their very own, they can buy it … Continue reading A purdy Christmas present
Orlando Lloyd-Jones, Agony Uncle and General Boss-Cat at Autumn Voices, recommends: The Guest Cat by Takashi Hiraide (Picador, 2014) I was tempted to recommend The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov, a truly unusual and beguiling novel encompassing all manner of juxtaposed themes and ideas. The feline character of the book, however, isn’t a pleasant … Continue reading Orlando’s Jolabokablog
Flora Fleming has worked with the Ayrshire branch of the Cat Action Trust for years, and first introduced Orlando to Sallie and Robin. Dear Orlando, Flora here. I don’t think you remember when you and I first met, so I’ll give you a few clues: lots and lots of cats and kittens, almost every one … Continue reading Capturing Orlando
Dear Orlando, My totally unimaginative human feeds me tinned chicken literally every day and I’m utterly sick of it. Don’t get me wrong – I’m pawsitively grateful to be fed as I’m far too lazy to hunt these days and it’s slim pickings round where I live anyway. There are too many other cats in … Continue reading What on earth is a chicken?