Dear Orlando, My nerves are shot to hell, please help! After being born and raised in Paris, I was abruptly moved by my human to southwest Scotland. I dealt with the shock of being wrenched from my stylish apartment in the 4th arrondissement and hurled into rural life, then the horrifying discovery that all the … Continue reading Down and Out in Paris and Wigtown
This is Mycroft’s response to Orlando’s advice – read the initial post! Mycroft replies Dear Orlando, I write to thank you for your advice. I was bereft upon reading your reply, as I rather hoped you’d equip me with a brilliant plan to persuade my humans they were making a terrible mistake. Instead, I received … Continue reading Mycroft is going down under!
This week’s Online with Orlando content comes courtesy of Mandy Macdonald, and is both a Show and Tell Orlando 🐈 Mandy Macdonald is 77 and is an Australian writer living in Aberdeen. She’s written about 250 poems which have appeared in various publications in Scotland and further afield, and a pamphlet, The Temperature of Blue, … Continue reading The Vagabond
Dear Orlando, I’m in a terrible state. Please help! I’m in my ninth decade of life – the last of my nine lives if you will – and my humans have just dropped a bombshell piece of news. We’re moving. To Australia! Apparently one of them has a spectacular job over there and we are … Continue reading Despair down under!
Dear Orlando, I’m probably going to sound like a grumpy old lady in this letter, but I’m facing a bit of a situation and need your help. I’m a seventy-nine-year-old Red Setter, and I share my home with the obligatory humans and a cat called Betsy. I rather like her, and she is a pretty … Continue reading The Scarlet Setter
January is a cold and often dreary month, but hopefully some of you have four-legged friends to snuggle up to, or force you to step outside to take in some vitamin D while you go for a walk! This month’s Tell Orlando is a painful but fond memory of a beloved dog – first lost, … Continue reading Rosie is a lurcher
Dear Orlando, I’ve been having trouble with my humans recently and I hope you can help me. I’ve been living with them for a couple of years after being adopted, but I’ve always preferred the woman-human to the man-human. She smells lovely and spends more time cuddling me than he does. I’m very fond of … Continue reading Oedipuss Complex?
Hello Orlando, I wanted to show you an excellent present I received at Christmas! The person (husband) who bought me this knows me very well so it was a typically thoughtful choice, and I thought you would appreciate it. If anyone reading this is envious enough to want their very own, they can buy it … Continue reading A purdy Christmas present
Orlando Lloyd-Jones, Agony Uncle and General Boss-Cat at Autumn Voices, recommends: The Guest Cat by Takashi Hiraide (Picador, 2014) I was tempted to recommend The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov, a truly unusual and beguiling novel encompassing all manner of juxtaposed themes and ideas. The feline character of the book, however, isn’t a pleasant … Continue reading Orlando’s Jolabokablog
Flora Fleming has worked with the Ayrshire branch of the Cat Action Trust for years, and first introduced Orlando to Sallie and Robin. Dear Orlando, Flora here. I don’t think you remember when you and I first met, so I’ll give you a few clues: lots and lots of cats and kittens, almost every one … Continue reading Capturing Orlando
Dear Orlando, My totally unimaginative human feeds me tinned chicken literally every day and I’m utterly sick of it. Don’t get me wrong – I’m pawsitively grateful to be fed as I’m far too lazy to hunt these days and it’s slim pickings round where I live anyway. There are too many other cats in … Continue reading What on earth is a chicken?
This week, our esteemed Online With Orlando caricaturist, Louis Dunn, shows Orlando his twelve cats. That’s right, TWELVE! They are all siblings, so thankfully have very few spats – even at chow time. Their mother, Inky, was feral, and kept having kittens beneath the deck at Louis’ house. He was eventually able to catch her and … Continue reading A Dozen Cats
Dear Orlando, I came across your column recently and I must say I was quite taken with your style of advice. You’re no Marjorie Proops or Claire Rayner, rest their souls, but I like your direct approach and the fact that you dispense advice to animals rather than humans. It’s about bloody time! We’ve had … Continue reading A plan for world domination
This week, Ask Orlando received a reader’s reply to Hamish the dog’s letter to Orlando in October. Orlando has graciously allowed Pippin to speak to Hamish, dog to dog: Dear Hamish, I was moved by your plight and feel for you. Things are rather fairer in my household because Teasel, the very large tabby cat … Continue reading A message from Pippin to Hamish
Dear Orlando, I hope you won’t mind a letter from a mere dog. Actually, I’m more properly described as a hound, and my breed profile says I will chase anything that moves. That is certainly true if I encounter a rabbit, badger, pine marten, sheep, or (and I do apologise for this, but you’d understand … Continue reading A letter from Hamish