Dear Orlando,
I’m in a terrible state. Please help!
I’m in my ninth decade of life – the last of my nine lives if you will – and my humans have just dropped a bombshell piece of news. We’re moving. To Australia! Apparently one of them has a spectacular job over there and we are all moving as a family: two adults, two children, two cats. Oh, my whiskers! This is a total nightmare!
We moved once, many years ago, from one house in Edinburgh to another, and that was quite enough upheaval for me. I’m an indoor cat, you see, and I don’t like change. I not only had to deal with that ordeal, but the arrival of another cat and she’s a bloody nightmare so I already spend most of my time in my half of the house, guarding what I have left in this world.
I’m too old for this nonsense, but they insist I’m going with them. I’m very fond of their children and would miss them dreadfully – but what about the flight? The quarantine? The inevitable trip to that awful cat doctor beforehand … I have no idea what to take, what food they have there, or what this new place will be like.
How utterly awful. What’s an old guy like me to do?
Yours, in desperation, Mycroft,
Aged 80, Edinburgh.
Dear Mycroft,
My good Sir, you are in quite a state, aren’t you? I understand your stress, but it is my job to soothe your troubled soul, so I invite you to see the positives. Where there is change, there is also adventure and opportunity!
Firstly, you have an opportunity to get rid of your unwelcome feline companion. She sounds young and annoying. Create a cunning distraction while all the packing is going on, and POOF! She’s in the wrong box and heading off to a charity shop with the unwanted bric-a-brac. You’ll all be on the plane before the humans notice and then it’ll be too late. Result!
Secondly, it must be pointed out that your humans are to be commended for taking you with them. I hear it’s frightfully expensive to travel over there, and pet passports are extortionate. They must love you very much to stump up the dosh to do this when they could have chosen to dump you with some frightful ‘friend’ of theirs off the internet. Or worse. Much worse. A little gratitude, perhaps?
Go to Australia, Mycroft. Enjoy this late-life adventure. It’s so warm over there – you’ll love it once you get used to the idea, and if you’re an indoor cat then none of their crazy wildlife will bother you.
Except the spiders. Watch out for them. I hear they have spiders as big as cats over there.
How big are you? Never mind.
Yours Purrfully,
Orlando
Mycroft responded! See how he took Orlando’s advice!