Help! He won’t let me in the back door

Hi Orlando,

I have a very particular problem with my owner and find it difficult to share so I hope you will be discreet.

During lockdown I fell out with my previous owners (don’t ask, we just grew apart) so I decided I could play the field. Two doors down there is this single man with a very nice covered back yard and a set of outdoor garden furniture. I decided to snuggle up on the swing seat and see if I could attract his attention. As soon as our eyes met, we knew we were made for each other.

That was two summers ago. He made up a lovely couchette for me over the winter months and fed me choice meat in those lovely sachets. I knew I was worth it. But now I only get the cheap tins from the Co-op and hardly any strokes (what if I do have the occasional flea on my back?). A girl notices these things. In addition, he doesn’t let me into the house anymore.

I’m suspicious that I have a rival in there, but he has taped up the cat flap, so I just don’t know. It’s driving me crazy! Should I try even harder to win him back or just cut my losses and go next door?

I’m sure you will know the answer.

Kiss kiss, 

Aged 60, the Highlands

Dear Purrina,

I’m not sure if an old chap like me with simple tastes and ardent loyalties is the right person to give advice to an adventurous young gal like yourself, but I shall certainly try. 

Firstly, this man two doors down sounds like a cad and a bounder. I do recommend that you get yourself a spot-on treatment for those fleas for your own sake, but we are none of us perfect and he should not have treated you like this. Do not try to win him back – simply forget he exists and ignore him. I believe they call it ghosting. You should do that and walk away with your tail held high. 

Secondly, there is the issue of where you go next. Lockdown played havoc with people’s relationships and their need to get out and about after being cooped up together in rather stressful situations. Might I venture that you were not so perfect to live with back then? Your previous owners may in fact miss you terribly and I wonder if you perhaps miss them a little more than you might care to admit, especially after being so cast aside. 

I’d consider a reconciliation if I were you. Imagine going door to door only to discover that the grass isn’t greener after all? Try going back to where it began and see how you get on.

Yours Purrfully,

Read Purrina’s reply to Orlando’s advice!

Want to tell Orlando about your pet stories?
Why not send your anecdotes and pictures to:

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *